


Idiot Brothers

by Alckalin, orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Collaboration, Fluff, M/M, extreme fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 18:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/814831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alckalin/pseuds/Alckalin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Princes do not fall in love with scribes. At least that's what Kili is trying to convince himself. And everybody else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiot Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo Tagath and I decided that it would be fun to write a fluffy fic together, so there it is ! :) My parts will be in italics, and Tag's will be written normally.

_Kili was a prince. A prince like one you’d find in heroic stories and songs. He loved to imagine being the protagonist of such stories, in which he would be known as King Fili’s greatest bodyguard. Well, in some decades maybe, if they would indeed regain Erebor._

_He did not know he’d ever care about the person phrasing the deeds of great warriors before he heard Ori talk about them._

As far as Kili was concerned, scribes and story-tellers barely counted as dwarves at all, since they did no great deed of their own. Certainly, he liked a good story as much as everyone, but praising their creator seemed like a waste of time.

It was different with Ori, though, because the little scribe’s eyes would get that fire in them when he’d tell the princes about this or that great tale, and his words had such power that it made Kili feel as if he was the one there, in battle, fighting the orcs and the dragons. Kili could have listened to Ori for ever, and be perfectly happy like that.

Of course, Fili HAD to notice that.

_“Sooo, since when did you have a thing for cute little scholars? Last time I checked you were more into blond ladies with a nicely braided beard,” Fili said with a smile as he bumped his shoulder against his brother’s._

_“I don’t have a thing for Ori!”_

_Damn his burning cheeks probably giving him away._

“Kee, you don’t have a thing for Ori the same way mister Dwalin doesn’t have a thing for uncle.”

Kili glared at his brother, which he seemed to find ever more amusing.

“So, are you going to tell him that you want him to be the Beren to your Luthien?” Fili asked with a smirk. “Because if you do tell him, I want to be there. And to invite a few friends. We’ll bring food. It should be quite the show. Kili the Ladykiller against Ori the Clueless, only tonight!” 

_Kili kept glaring at his brother._

_“I hate you,” he mumbled._

_“No you don’t,” Fili replied with a smile as he tried to curl an arm around Kili’s shoulder, but his brother was quick to catch his wrist, still glaring._

_“Maybe not, but that’s quite annoying! And I don’t… want Ori to be the Beren to my Luthien or whatever. I don’t even care about this story anyway.”_

_Fili snorted and rolled his eyes, which quite annoyed Kili at this point._

_He did not know if he should have been glad or not to notice that Nori was walking to them._

Not that Nori wasn’t a very nice dwarf. Kili was clever enough to know that you never said that Nori wasn’t a nice dwarf, not if you valued your life. it was just that Nori was also a very protective brother who never looked too pleased with the fact that his young brother, the family’s baby, was spending his free time with two rough and not always very smart warriors.

The fact that Kili knew that Fili and him had a thing going on didn’t help make him pleasant, of course.

“Hello, Nori,”he said as cheerfully as he could. “I’m afraid you can’t borrow Fili this time, we’re expected on the training ground. True shame, I know.”

  _“A shame it is indeed,” the dwarf says with a smile - Nori’s smiles were always kind of threatening to Kili, if he were to be honest. “But I actually needed to talk to you today.”_

_Fili definitely looked disappointed, although he was trying his best to hide it. Just as Kili was about to protest, Nori lifted one of his hands to stop him._

_“I need no more than two minutes alone with you, then you can join your brother at being slowly tortured by Dwalin.”_

_Kili was sure he did not like that smile either._

“I didn’t do anything and it wasn’t me who did it and it was probably Fili’s fault!” Kili claimed as soon as they were alone.

“You did it, and it was your fault,” Nori cut him. “But the harm’s done, and I can’t change it. Now tell me, what’s going on exactly between you and Ori?”

Kili swallowed loudly. It was one thing to be teased by Fili about that. It was quite another to be threatened by Nori because of it.

“I swear we’re just friends, and I have no intention whatsoever toward him, and if people have told you that I like him they’re lying, and I am not at all looking at him when he trains with us and we all have to change, and I do not think at all that he has a wonderful voice when he invents stories for us!”

_Nori sniggered at that._

_“I have nothing personal against you princeling, and I’ll even give you some piece of advice: you’re a terrible liar. And I personally think you shouldn’t even deserve to hope you might be courting him one day with such an attitude. My brother doesn’t need a coward. Understood?”_

_What Nori could do with a knife and his hands while talking to someone was kind of disturbing, really._

_“Now let me tell you about Dori.”_

For a short second, Kili considered claiming that he wasn’t a coward, and that he wasn’t interested in Ori, no, really, not at all. Not even a little. Really.

But something in Nori’s voice alarmed him.

“What about Dori?”

To be fair, Kili had HEARD of Dori before, even if he had never met him. Yet. But he now hope he never would. Dori sounded terrifying, and the description of the thing he was likely to do to anyone who’d show an interest in his youngest brother was…

Well. Kili certainly was GLAD that he wasn’t in love with Ori, otherwise he’d have wanted to run away very, very far.

Actually, he still wanted to run away very far.

_“It may not have occurred to you but in fact, if you’re comparing this… little talk we’re having with Dori’s reaction, I might turn out to be in fact the kindest person in the world.”_

_This sounded a bit fake with the way Nori kept smiling and playing with his knife, but Kili tried his best to ignore it._

_“Alright, but… but Dori’s reaction to what exactly are we talking about?”_

_“I’ll let you choose between deciding to court my little brother or breaking his heart in a near future. Or even showing interest in him, really, who knows with Dori.”_  

“Basically, you’re saying I’m going to die, no matter what I do, is that it?”

Nori nodded, his grin widening.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to console your brother and he won’t even notice you’re gone. But look at me, talking, talking… you’re going to be late for training, aren’t you? And on a day where you’re training with Ori too… you don’t want him to WAIT, do you?”

Kili shook his head.

“Then go, and go fast, little prince.”

The youngest dwarf nodded and ran toward the training ground. He wondered if he could manage to run away from the mountains. He soon gave up on the idea; Dwalin or Thorin or Nori would certainly catch him quickly. 

_“There you are! I was ‘bout to fetch you myself, y’know!”_

_It was funny how less intimidating than Nori Dwalin could actually be. His trainer was waiting for him with Fili - who was both glad to see him here and apparently trying to see if Nori would follow him - and… Ori._

_With whom he was certainly not in love, no matter what Fili and Nori were thinking about it._

_Still, the young scholar looked more adorable than ever, in his training clothes. Smiling at him._  

Kili almost smiled back then. Until he remembered Nori’s threats. Maybe, just maybe, if he made it clear that he really wasn’t going to do anything to Ori, Dori would leave his arms where they were.

So he turned his head to Fili, pretending he had not seen the little scribe at all, trying hard not to notice Ori’s concerned frown.

“So, what’s it we’re doing today, mister Dwalin? I hope you’ve got something fun in store, because I’m in a mood to smash things!” 

_Dwalin wasn’t in the mood for them to smash things, but their training was nonetheless really exhausting. Now all was left for him to do was to take a shower, and go back home while still succeeding at ignoring Ori._

_Which proved to be harder than expected when the scribe cornered him, frowning. He did not look as frightening as Nori, but was no less impressive._

_“What’s the matter with you today?”_  

“I have no idea what you mean,” Kili mumbled, looking away.

“Well, I’ll tell you what I mean then! I mean that until yesterday we were friends and getting along fine, and now you’re not talking to me and you act like I’m not even here at all!”

“I’m not sure I’d have said we were friends,” Kili replied, eyes fixed on his feet. “We just, like, happened to spend time together, you know?” 

_Ori narrowed his eyes at this, and Kili may or may not have tried to hide his head between his shoulders._

_“I don’t get why you can be so mean all of a sudden,” Ori began and oh, wasn’t that painful to hear from the dwarf he… from his friend, “unless maybe…”_

_Kili swallowed at that point when Ori came significantly nearer to him. It was hard to avoid looking at his so pretty face…_

_“Unless my brother talked to you.”_  

Kili felt panic rise in him. This wasn’t good. He was fairly sure that Ori wasn’t supposed to know any of the things that Nori had told him. He should have tried to escape, or kept silent at least. He should have denied it, because Nori had said these things because he thought Kili loved Ori, which was almost not true at all.

“Nori said that Dori would torture me,” Kili whimpered instead. “He also said that he’d help hide the body after they had killed me together, all because they think I’m going to hurt you. And I don’t want to hurt you, and I want to be friend with you, more than anything, but, but It’s NORI, and he said Dori was WORSE than him, and I don’t want to DIE!” 

_Ori seemed angry at him for a moment - or was he being angry at his brothers ? - but he eventually smiled to him._

_“I knew you would at least consider us as being friends, or potential friends.”_

_“Of course I would !”_

_Kili instantly pressed his lips together. That was not good, being nervous made him talk without thinking. He’d have to work on that._

_“You know, Nori and Dori won’t do you any harm because we might become friends. They’d be much more likely to do it if you were, well… interested in courting me I guess.”_  

“Which isn’t the case at all even if you’re pretty and clever and I love the way you get when you start telling a story and… oh, shit, did I say all that out loud?”

Ori nodded, a lovely blush rising on his cheeks. And why wouldn’t he blush, when Kili was saying such terribly embarrassing things?

“I didn’t mean it like that,” the prince proclaimed. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it’s probably not it.”

Ori chuckled and took a step closer, their feet now touching, the scribe’s hands grabbing the edges of Kili’s tunic.

“I think… I think it’s a shame you’re so little interested in courting me, because… because it would have made me very happy…” 

_Kili was feeling too hot at that point, and it was certainly not due to their previous training._

_“I’m sorry I-… I mean, why would you have liked me to court you?”_

_Ori still smiled to him._

_“Certainly not for your brightness, but there are some aspects that would have been interesting, you know… along with the fact that you seem to find me pretty and like to listen to me…”_

_“But… But Dori’s going to kill me! And Nori too!”_

“Oh, bugger them!” Ori grumbled. “I’m old enough to know what I want, and I won’t let them get rid of you like they did with the others! You’re too important for me to lose you stupidly like this.”

“Oh.”

That wasn’t the most eloquent of reactions, but Kili’s brain was far too busy going from Nope-not-in-love-at-all to I-think-he-likes-me-too to make a coherent answer.

“Does it mean I should ask you out then?” Kili asked. “Because I’d like to, but only if you’d like it too, and if I got this wrong and you don’t want to, then forget I said anything and I’ll never suggest it again.” 

_Ori’s anger quickly faded again, and he kindly chuckled._

_“I remember saying to you that I wouldn’t mind to be courted by your a bit earlier, didn’t I?”_

_“Yes… yes that’s true.”_

_Oh, his cheeks were burning so much. Maybe Ori was feeling the same? His scribe was blushing too after all…_

_…_ _Not that Ori was his scribe. Or not yet, maybe._

_“This is the moment when you ask me out, yes,” Ori told him with a wide smile._

_Kili couldn’t help but laugh a bit nervously at this. That was weird, all of it. Some hours earlier he was still convincing himself there was nothing attractive about scribes, and he now found himself wanting to kiss Ori for being so adorable. And kind. And sweet. And so reassuring._

_Maybe that was why he gave up about thinking and kissed the scholar._  

It felt a little strange, really, and for half a moment he still feared that Ori would push him away and punch him in the face for daring to do such a thing.

Instead the little scribe let out a hungry noise and pulled him closer, one hand clenched in Kili’s tunic, the other on the back of his head.

Nori and Dori could kill him all they wanted now, the prince thought. It would have been worth it, to feel Ori’s lips on his and touch his beard (soft as Kili had imagined)(not that he had thought about it)(much) and feel his warmth against him.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, until there was a noise behind them, someone clearing their throat, and they separated quickly.

“I hope I’m not disturbing anything important?” Fili asked, glaring at Ori. 

_“It… It’s not what it looks like, Fee!” Kili quickly defended himself._

_“I’m wondering what it looks like to you then, because to me you were snogging each other,” Fili answered while crossing his arms._

_Just when Kili was desperately trying to explain himself, he heard Ori sigh._

_“It’s okay,” the scribe murmured to him, “I’ve got overprotective brothers too, I understand.” He rolled his eyes. “Just go join him, we’ll talk about it later.”_

_A kind smile. Kili loved that smile._

_Maybe that was why he smiled back._

_Or maybe it was because of what Ori answered Fili._

_“I’d just like to point out that being unofficially dating my older brother removes all right from you to complain about this.”_  
 _Kili wasn’t prepared to hear Nori cough from some place near them though._  

Kili was pleased to note that between Ori’s accusation and Nori’s unexpected arrival, Fili looked just as embarrassed as him.

“We’re not dating!” the blonde prince exclaimed. “Not at all! Right, Nori?”

Nori gave him a look that, in Kili’s opinion, probably meant “dude we are dating and fluffy and everyone knows it I don’t know why we’re still trying to hide, but this isn’t the place or time to discuss it”. Yes. Kili was fairly sure that look had meant just that.

“I’m just here to get Ori home,” Nori stated. “We’re late and Dori’s probably going to burn our meal if we don’t hurry. Do you want to join us, Kili?”

His smile as he said that was positively threatening, but before Kili could think of being afraid, he felt Ori take his hand.

“You stop teasing him this moment!” the little scribe growled. “I’ve already told you and Do what I think of that!” 

  _“You’ve told us to stop threatening your friends, not the people you might end up kissing in a public place,” Nori answered, apparently finding the situation quite amusing._

_Ori sighed and rolled his eyes. Then looked up to Kili, offered him a sorry smile, and stepped away from him._

_“I hope I’ll see you soon, and that… all of this won’t get you any troubles.”_

_“Hey, don’t worry about it,” he answered with a smile, “the worse thing Fili can do is teasing me about it, because he knows if he tells our mom I’ll tell her about him and your brother.” He winked to Ori, who chuckled and waved at him._

_“Kee, how many times do I need to tell you that Nori and I are not dating!”_

_Fili’s cheeks were slightly red when he growled this to him, but they were even more when Nori playfully stole a kiss from his lips as he left with Ori._

_Kili burst into laughs._  

“If you tell mom, I’ll kill you,” Fili grumbled. “I mean it. Don’t think that I won’t do it just because you’re my brother.”

“Does it mean I can tell uncle, then? Or mister Dwalin?”

“Tell anyone and no one will ever find the body.”

“That works, but you don’t get to tease me about Ori,” Kili offered. “That’s a fair deal, don’t you think?”

Fili grumbled something that might have been a yes. 

_He and Ori quickly became a thing. Or at least something a bit more official than this weird relationship between their two older brothers. It was nice, though. Of course it had meant that Kili had had to meet Dori - who was definitely scarier than Nori with a knife, although it was a kitchen knife -, but they were happy. And it meant that nobody who caught them kissing could have anything to say in the matter. They sure loved to remind it to Nori._

_And Fili, sometimes._

_And some days Ori would tease him by writing this stupid story about this great warrior that tried to convince himself he was not in love._

_Those days always ended up with them wrestling, laughing, but mostly kissing._

 


End file.
